Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
