I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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