No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
