She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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