there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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