Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
