At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
