i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
