i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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