I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
