Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
