these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
