Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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