And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
