Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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