last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
