My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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