Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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