sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
