Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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