Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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