Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm like, not good at living.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
