so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
