Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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