Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
