you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh god it's open bar.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
