i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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