I hope mine doesn't look like that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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