its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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