covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
