i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
