Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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