found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
