and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
