The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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