my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
