spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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