I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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