Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
