Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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