singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
