Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
