Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
