Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I looked at my own cervix.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
