Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
