OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
