whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
