Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
