It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So. Much. Porn.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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