You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
