seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
