And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
