listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
